So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
