im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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