I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
