god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
