I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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