Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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