I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
