So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no you cant smoke seaweed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
