everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
