I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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