so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
