I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize