Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
