im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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