oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize