you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
