I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
