All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
