Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize