she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ttyl tear gas
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
