respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
