Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
