i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
