I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i need some magic done to my vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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