i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
did i just pee glitter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize