Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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