i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will pee on everything he values.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
