Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
