i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
