everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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