The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
