I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
