do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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