I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
