the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
