I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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