Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
