I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
