Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This gyro tastes like lonliness
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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