i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
