I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
