I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
