angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
