I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't think brook has ever known best
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
