So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
