There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize