yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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