Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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