We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize