Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
