Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
