Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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