How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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