yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
