everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
