just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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