beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
