I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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