I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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