Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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