I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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