I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize