If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
