Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
