Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we made out on top of his cat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize