a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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