im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
