I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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