Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
