dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
