I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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