So drunk its hurt
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
