She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize