you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
