I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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