I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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