So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
