Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
