My girlfriend figured out who you are.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
