im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
