i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
