Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
