he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
