Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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