if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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