Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
