you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
