She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
